A Poem, if you can call it that

I am going to write a poem,

if it means sitting here all night

most of me wants to walk away from the keyboard,

but a fraction wants to fight

I have a million different thoughts,

bouncing around my head

something needs to be done about this,

something should said

If not,

it will be another sleepless night for me

It is an inconvenient time i will admit,

to lose my creativity

Sitting here,

trying to make rhythm and rhyme

out of feelings and thoughts,

I've ignored for some time

there is no instruction leaflet,

for life

not even those little ikea stick men,

which quite frankly are shite

but right now,

I am hardly in a place to be picky

because these internal conflicts,

to resolve are quite tricky,

Im not entirely sure why,

but i thought if i wrote them all down

my desires would reveal themselves;

allow themselves to be found,

I am not sure what i want

and I don't know who i want to be,

I long to look into the future

and see where each decision will lead,

But if there is one thing i have learnt,

It is to take the risk,

and so despite my doubts

i should do the same with this,

I'm sorry to have gone on with this poem

if you can even call it that

poetic methods and creative thoughts

it really seemed to lack.

I have realized a lot.

Possibly the most notable realization is that I don't know a lot.

With this new knowledge I saw that I have indeed been very silly.

Mainly in not letting certain people know I love them enough.

You know who you are

And i need you to know I Love You

I WILL DO THINGS YOU WILL NEVER FORGET

OH FOR GODS SAKE WHERE ARE YOU?!

Today i did a LOT of thinking... here are two of the more interesting ones;

If you were slowly bleeding to death, would you prefer it if someone just came along and mercy killed you, instead of living your sorry life to the full?

Well, my answer is NO. I would be really annoyed if I could not even be able to left to die in peace; I'm only going to die once, i quite want to enjoy the experience and don't want to be hurried along by some overly nice "do gooder." After a while, no doubt the pain will subside and i will be left to think my final thoughts, which I am sure will be fantastic and beautiful thoughts that don't need interrupting.

It is really odd thinking that i am going to only live once. As each moment slips away it becomes part of the vast perpetual history that we write, never to be lived again. I am not sure wether to be glad of this or wether to mourn it, how sad that we should only be able to live those happy cheerful days of our youth once, but yet how timeless those memories become of it. It is certainly strange to try and imagine that once we are old these days which are so close and so real to us now, will be far away and for some, forgotten.

Thoughts of these past few days

These last few days have been such a mixture of emotions and thoughts it has been rather hard to keep track of myself... So I would just like to highlight, for the attention of all those concerned that I have absolutely no idea what/who i want, let alone which is best for me.

Sorry about that; I'll have it sorted as soon as I remember who I am.

Falling

FALLING HEAD OVER HEELS IN LOVE WITH LIFE

I love you like a fat kid loves cake

We are unusual and tragic and alive

Okay.

everything is fabulous.

ABSOLUTELY FUCKING FABULOUS.

I have the most AMAZING friends in the world.

No one can bring me down.

I have all I need right here.

I LOVE YOU ALL MORE THAN WORDS

It's Hard To Be Happy All The Time

I am going to admit; this is the shittiest I have felt in a long time.

It is very hard to put it into words, I suppose it is a sort of bemused pseudo-apathy with perhaps a touch of pity.

Whatever it is I bloody hope it goes away as quickly as it came about.

The future isn't what it used to be.

That is all.

Rocky Horror Picture Show Outfit

Today's thoughts -

Nothing is ever simple is it? I think pretentious movies should be banned to prevent us all developing these false idea of how our lives will be fulfilled because in reality it is very different; and even if we end up at the same place as the characters, the journey is very different.. .

I'm falling and i know that it is a dangerous activity to partake in but I cannot stop myself. I hope things work out... and i really hope i haven't failed my exams i sat this week...

fingers crossed all round i think on this one

All that glitters is gold

How much longer will it take to cure this?

Nothing you can say but you can learn to play the game

MAKE A WISH

What strange days these past few have been, so much has changed and yet i feel the same...

today has been one of the better days

snowy smiles make my tummy turn

i am on the wright side of the fence so i do not envy the green

whatever you fancy but I am waiting for the sun

Harrods review

I have to say (***momentary suspension of socially democratic beliefs***) Harrods is the worst purveyor of tat, an overpriced poundstore catering to the nouveau riche, tourists and D list reality stars.

THE GRAND PLAN

ERROR 404

Times like this... I just want to run

If you are reading this...

Congratulations, you are alive

If that isn't something to smile about,

then I don't know what is.

Around about half an hour ago it became apparent to me that life is actually going to be okay. This is very good news indeed...

Well, I say okay, I have just cut myself a fringe and in the process made myself look like a massive dyke but on the scale of things this is pretty small so i am still feeling pretty good, i mean there aren't any rainbows without a little rain, right?

My mum said to me "You can't have fun all the time." And i said, "Why not? Why the fuck can't I have fun all the time?"

Photos courtesy of my friend Kit. Kit is the sexy beast in the middle photograph

We are unusual and tragic and alive