Realisation

FUCK.

I think I love YOU

The other night was a night to end all nights i think. It was modestly wonderful, full of little moments and excitements i will never forget. It was dramatic enough, with car doors falling off and 4am drug pick-ups and the majority of the night was played out at full speed.

i realised a few things that night (i am realising a lot at the moment); i can actually sing reasonably well (hurrah), Kit has magic photo taking skills which make me look like a sex god (there is a modest one above) if only i could actually look like that (well, not black and white obviously, that would just be plain silly) and the third and most important thing i realised that night was that i think i love someone. They don't know it, and quite frankly i don't plan on letting them find out. It's better just to let things happen then try to influence them to go your way. I figure, if something is meant to happen, it will happen; no matter what. The bird of paradise alights upon the hand that doesn't grasp, right?

This is OUR time

A photo i took of some of my best friends. Post Amelias gig. Pre Alex's house gathering.

A Poem, if you can call it that

I am going to write a poem,

if it means sitting here all night

most of me wants to walk away from the keyboard,

but a fraction wants to fight

I have a million different thoughts,

bouncing around my head

something needs to be done about this,

something should said

If not,

it will be another sleepless night for me

It is an inconvenient time i will admit,

to lose my creativity

Sitting here,

trying to make rhythm and rhyme

out of feelings and thoughts,

I've ignored for some time

there is no instruction leaflet,

for life

not even those little ikea stick men,

which quite frankly are shite

but right now,

I am hardly in a place to be picky

because these internal conflicts,

to resolve are quite tricky,

Im not entirely sure why,

but i thought if i wrote them all down

my desires would reveal themselves;

allow themselves to be found,

I am not sure what i want

and I don't know who i want to be,

I long to look into the future

and see where each decision will lead,

But if there is one thing i have learnt,

It is to take the risk,

and so despite my doubts

i should do the same with this,

I'm sorry to have gone on with this poem

if you can even call it that

poetic methods and creative thoughts

it really seemed to lack.

I have realized a lot.

Possibly the most notable realization is that I don't know a lot.

With this new knowledge I saw that I have indeed been very silly.

Mainly in not letting certain people know I love them enough.

You know who you are

And i need you to know I Love You

I WILL DO THINGS YOU WILL NEVER FORGET

OH FOR GODS SAKE WHERE ARE YOU?!

Today i did a LOT of thinking... here are two of the more interesting ones;

If you were slowly bleeding to death, would you prefer it if someone just came along and mercy killed you, instead of living your sorry life to the full?

Well, my answer is NO. I would be really annoyed if I could not even be able to left to die in peace; I'm only going to die once, i quite want to enjoy the experience and don't want to be hurried along by some overly nice "do gooder." After a while, no doubt the pain will subside and i will be left to think my final thoughts, which I am sure will be fantastic and beautiful thoughts that don't need interrupting.

It is really odd thinking that i am going to only live once. As each moment slips away it becomes part of the vast perpetual history that we write, never to be lived again. I am not sure wether to be glad of this or wether to mourn it, how sad that we should only be able to live those happy cheerful days of our youth once, but yet how timeless those memories become of it. It is certainly strange to try and imagine that once we are old these days which are so close and so real to us now, will be far away and for some, forgotten.

Thoughts of these past few days

These last few days have been such a mixture of emotions and thoughts it has been rather hard to keep track of myself... So I would just like to highlight, for the attention of all those concerned that I have absolutely no idea what/who i want, let alone which is best for me.

Sorry about that; I'll have it sorted as soon as I remember who I am.