MY 100TH POST

here is my 100th post and I feel that I should do something special....

Well... how about this: I am going away for a while... over HERE in fact (www.thelucyrose.tumblr.com)

I will probably be back when I get bored of tumblr... but until then....

Adios!

Make up your mind to act decidedly and take the consequences. No good is ever done in this world by hesitation.

Thomas H. Huxley (1825 - 1895)

Just a quick message for the attention of those who don't like my blog.

Don't read it.

Now, I didn't realise that this was such a hard concept to grasp; If you don't like what I have got going on here, then fuck off.

For the rest of you, who do like my blog - I am glad that you get entertainment from my thoughts and please, continue to follow.

In short: If you don't like it; don't complain, just stop reading it.

Everyone is happy.

Simple .

EWDOGUS;VB'HPEWGFUH K

Angry Day

It's been too long since I last felt real anger.

And I really don't appreciate the feeling.

I hate feeling powerless over myself.

I need to get away; go for a walk.

I wish there was something I could say, or something I could do to make something good become of all this mess.

Limpet

Sometimes I can't help but feel like a limpet, and I don't want to feel like a limpet I want to feel like a jellyfish or a shark or a dolphin

Oh for gods sake Lucy this is ridiculous. You are comparing your life to that of marine creatures.

Its just I feel like I'm always clinging on, hanging onto the same old rock and I'm not sure I want to anymore... I want to be free and I want adventure and I want to see the rest of the ocean.

Fuck it. I'm off to have a cup of tea and feel sorry for myself.

Ten things you'll never know about me

1. I am confident not _____.

2. I am not always _____ despite the ____ I put on.

3. I care about my _____ more than you think.

4. I am ______.

5. I will never forget ______.

6. I am not a ______.

7. I have never really felt as though ___________.

8. Just because I never _____ or get _____ it doesn't mean I'm not ______.

9. I smile at least twice a day, once for _____ and once for ______.

10. I will never let myself _____ anything.

Fill the gaps with whatever pleases you. You probably wouldn't believe me if I told you anyway.

Not a lecture, just a question with the best intentions.

Summer is arriving and I am wishing that my close friends who haven't already, will give up the cat before it screws up anything more than it already has. Lets leave the sleepless nights and midnights drives as nothing more than memories before they become a bit harder to forget.

It is possible to have a heart to heart chat with someone without it.

It is possible to stay up all night and have a good time without it.

It will chew you up and spit you out.

So I am asking, without sounding self righteous or boring or hypercritical that you stop with the mcat now.

Please?

Change

I think it is time for change.

That is all I have to say as of yet.

BELIZE

I am in love with the people, the places and the passions of Belize.

It has this awesome atmosphere created by wondrous places and inspirational people .

The nights sky is like nothing I have ever seen before, so vast and free and bright.

Whilst there I have made some friends I am sure I will hold for a lifetime.

I am off to the new world

I am off to the other side of the world

I am going to be away from home until the 14.04.2010

I hope I return with lot's of amazing stories and not malaria

I love you all

I bid you adieu

Friends. enit.

"True friends are those who really know you but love you anyway"

Edna Buchanan

Something heavy

Most people don't know who they are, and that's why they lie. They are afraid someone else will find out before they do.

"Sometimes the lies you tell are less frightening than the loneliness you might feel if you stopped telling them." Brock Clarke

P.S. I am sorry.

Something light

"If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity." Bill Vaughan

Formspring.

Tonight I have realised one thing; no matter what I do, some people are always going to hate me

I lie a lot, but there is a genuine person beneath that, and friends that stick around long enough to meet that person learn the truth, and discover that in actual fact, I'm a pretty shy person. The whole "outgoing" facade is purely to make myself come across as a strong person after being bullied a lot at secondary school. Perhaps I am stronger than I know; I've had to deal with a lot of shit tonight but it feels better now that it's all out in the open - I wasn't dealing very well with all the secrets. Here, is probably not the best place to write this but I need to get it out of my system. I'll be surprised with myself if I eventually click the little publish button at the end of this.

I know who my friends are and who I can trust now, equally I know who I can't trust. It feels better like this, even if I had to find out the hard way.

Goodnight and goodbye formspring.

I'm smiling because what goes around comes around, bitch.

Thoughts of these past few days

Oh wow. If only I cared what strangers think

- ""I have many friends that like me" ...think again?"

- "Jump off a bridge, play in the road, throw yourself in to a vast body of water and make no attemp to swim. I dont care which of the above but please make everyones weekeend and do one of them pleasee."

- "No morals and a hideous backbone - go play in traffic . NO ONE LIKES YOU, WHY CAN'T YOU SEE THIS."

- "stop fucking people over and get out"

- "I really fucking hate you"

- "You remind me of desperate times"

- " Your a social climber... one day you will fall from the top when you realise that the 'friends' you have dont actually like you..."

- "Where you born with that nose or did a horse kick you in the face?"

- "I hate you"

- "I hope you choke on your own bitterly self centered behavior"

- "your answers are so contrived, it's painful to the eyes. Grow yourself an original personality and maybe then people will genuinely respect you."

- "youre such a wannabee it makes me sick."

- "why do you edit almost all of your photos? are you incapable of taking a decent photo?"

- "Why are you so self involved"

- "you're so fucking special why don't you marry yourself."

There is a handful of formspring love

EWDOGUS;VB'HPEWGFUH K

It is all so fucking real now.

I am doing my best to stay optimistic at a time where everything and everyone I know seems to be crumbling in my arms.

I am beating myself up over friendships and exams and relationships and illnesses and mental health and drugs and careers and and and I'm ticking over and the only thing that is keeping me going is the one thing that is pulling us all apart. I have lost myself within myself, (not to self: If I find myself, I would quite like me back); my mind is wondering places I would rather it didn't but I have better friends than I have ever had, which is more than lucky because I really need them right now.

I have lost so many friends in the past, I am so scared of losing any more. Georgia, Alicia, Katrina: a part of my heart will always be yours.

And to everyone else, It will all be okay in the end... If it is not okay, it is not the end.

A night to remember

Last night was definitely a night to remember, i had a really lovely time hanging out with 5 of my best friends at my house, despite Hattie and Laura not being able to make it we still had a wonderful night and they were most certainly there in spirit. We had a marvelous time chatting away absolute nonsense and we took some beautiful photos, so i am very pleased indeed.

Honesty

If I have learnt anything, it is that life forms no logical patterns. It is haphazard and full of beauties which I try to catch as they fly by, for who knows whether any of them will ever return?

Margot Fonteyn (1919 - 1991)

Whatever you think, be sure it is what you think; whatever you want, be sure that is what you want; whatever you feel, be sure that is what you feel.

T. S. Eliot (1888 - 1965)

I like coincidences. They make me wonder about destiny, and whether free will is an illusion or just a matter of perspective. They let me speculate on the idea of some master plan that, from time to time, we're allowed to see out of the corner of our eye.

Chuck Sigars, The World According to Chuck weblog, September 8, 2003

Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

Carrie Fisher (1956 - )

Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster. Your life will never be the same again.

Og Mandino (1923 - 1996), The Greatest Miracle in the World

Let us take things as we find them: let us not attempt to distort them into what they are not. We cannot make facts. All our wishing cannot change them. We must use them.

John Henry Cardinal Newman (1801 - 1890)

All time favourite song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kq7GA-Tkqp4

Everything seems so fragile at the moment, nothings seems sturdy and everything is questionable. No one really seems to know where we are heading and I have a bad feeling about where we are going to end up. I am the ultimate optimist so these words burn my fingertips as I jab away at the keys of my laptop. There is too much jealousy around at the moment and envy is not something to be underestimated; I will be glad when this has blown over, and I hope there is still something left when it does.

Other than the perpetual feeling of a looming disaster, what is there not to be happy about?

Like i said once before, The future isn't what it used to be.

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Realisation

FUCK.

I think I love YOU

The other night was a night to end all nights i think. It was modestly wonderful, full of little moments and excitements i will never forget. It was dramatic enough, with car doors falling off and 4am drug pick-ups and the majority of the night was played out at full speed.

i realised a few things that night (i am realising a lot at the moment); i can actually sing reasonably well (hurrah), Kit has magic photo taking skills which make me look like a sex god (there is a modest one above) if only i could actually look like that (well, not black and white obviously, that would just be plain silly) and the third and most important thing i realised that night was that i think i love someone. They don't know it, and quite frankly i don't plan on letting them find out. It's better just to let things happen then try to influence them to go your way. I figure, if something is meant to happen, it will happen; no matter what. The bird of paradise alights upon the hand that doesn't grasp, right?

This is OUR time

A photo i took of some of my best friends. Post Amelias gig. Pre Alex's house gathering.